The Calliope Effect - Negative Contribution
- 1Oh Jesus Christ, Not Again
- 2Well
- 3It's Not "Horticultural Arson", It's a "Controlled Burn"
- 4I'm Going To Help You
- 5Even If
- 6It Kills Us Both
- 7Leading a Dead Horse
- 8Friendship Isn't an Emotion
- 9Despite Everything, It's Still You
001
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Open edition
***WELCOME TO NEGATIVE CONTRIBUTION, THE VERY REAL AND ENTIRELY OFFICIAL DEBUT ALBUM BY THE PERSONIFICATION OF HUMANITY'S MISGUIDED HUBRIS ITSELF, “THE CALLIOPE EFFECT”***
Have you spent the past few months suffering from the disastrous side effects of listening to a certain “The Calliope Effect” musical release which will remain unnamed from this point forward? Has your stabbing secondhand embarrassment, frequency of eardrum bleeds, or tendency to lapse into traumatic flashbacks gotten so excruciating that your desperation for reprieve has reached the fiery depths of a secret 10th circle of hell designed solely for your suffering? Well, we might just be able to help!
This potential solution to your ailments, Negative Contribution, contains 9 slabs of premium “The Calliope Effect” material. Regardless of the quality implied by an assertion such as “premium ‘The Calliope Effect’ material”, we can assure you that these assertions are undeniably true. Don’t believe us? Just look at the plethora of things Negative Contribution offers and tell someone with a straight face that they are anything other than quintessential Jenny Irvinnson creations:
- Nominally better mixing
- Uncomfortably personal lyrics
- A vocal style reminiscent of a lifelong Marlboro addict trying to soothe a flailing baby
- Slightly fewer references to suicide
- Slightly more references to unhealthy obsession
- An atrocious amount of reverb
- Masochistic rumination
- A questionably large number of references to Greek mythology
- Holy shit dude how down bad WERE you for this they/them amorphous blob of gender?
- The relieving nature of the phrase “oh that explains alot” upon learning that this album was written in about a month
- Burning secondhand embarrassment for Jenny Irvinsson
- Simmering firsthand embarrassment for letting yourself possibly be seen listening to this auditory gruel
- Scalding thirdhand embarrassment, because if that’s a kind of embarrassment that exists, you are feeling it right now
- Relief that, at the very least, this isn’t Theory V. Praxis
AHAHHAHAHAHA. THEORY V PRAXIS????? WHAT IN THE ABSOLUTE SHITFUCK IS THAT?????? NEVER HEARD OF IT. NOTHING ALONG THOSE LINES RINGS ANY METAPHORICAL BELLS IN THIS CRANIUM, NO SIR, NO MAAM, NO MXXM, NO NOTHING. ORANGE COVER? ECLIPSE? SHITTY MIXING? ARE YOU HALLUCINATING? DO I NEED TO TAKE YOU TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM BECAUSE THERE CERTAINLY HAS AND NEVER WILL BE ANYTHING GOING BY THE TITLE OF THEORY V PRAXIS NUDGING ITS DISGUSTING LITTLE WAY INTO THE CONVERSATIONS TAKING PLACE HERE!!!!!!
Fuck that was close. Deep breath. Alright. Let’s get this shit over with.
Negative Contribution is less akin to a colony of hornets infesting and making a home out of your ear canals, and more comparable to a colony of bees infesting and making a home out of your ear canals. It's sweeter, and oddly stickier, but slightly less horrifying than the hornet option. Regardless, I really, truly pity you.
You know you can just go back to your DMs with Jenny and tell her “I’m not listening to this shit” right? Like, that was an option this entire time. What are they gonna do? Cry? Probably. But you act like that’s a bad thing. It’s not. If anything, it’s justice. She deserves it for trying to subject so many people to this abomination, just like the rest of his digusting emotionally manipulative self. You were about to let her get away with this? Maybe your ass should be kicked for refusing to take action to combat the blatant adulteration of dozens of innocent eardrums. Don’t be a bystander. If you see something, say something, shitface.
Have you spent the past few months suffering from the disastrous side effects of listening to a certain “The Calliope Effect” musical release which will remain unnamed from this point forward? Has your stabbing secondhand embarrassment, frequency of eardrum bleeds, or tendency to lapse into traumatic flashbacks gotten so excruciating that your desperation for reprieve has reached the fiery depths of a secret 10th circle of hell designed solely for your suffering? Well, we might just be able to help!
This potential solution to your ailments, Negative Contribution, contains 9 slabs of premium “The Calliope Effect” material. Regardless of the quality implied by an assertion such as “premium ‘The Calliope Effect’ material”, we can assure you that these assertions are undeniably true. Don’t believe us? Just look at the plethora of things Negative Contribution offers and tell someone with a straight face that they are anything other than quintessential Jenny Irvinnson creations:
- Nominally better mixing
- Uncomfortably personal lyrics
- A vocal style reminiscent of a lifelong Marlboro addict trying to soothe a flailing baby
- Slightly fewer references to suicide
- Slightly more references to unhealthy obsession
- An atrocious amount of reverb
- Masochistic rumination
- A questionably large number of references to Greek mythology
- Holy shit dude how down bad WERE you for this they/them amorphous blob of gender?
- The relieving nature of the phrase “oh that explains alot” upon learning that this album was written in about a month
- Burning secondhand embarrassment for Jenny Irvinsson
- Simmering firsthand embarrassment for letting yourself possibly be seen listening to this auditory gruel
- Scalding thirdhand embarrassment, because if that’s a kind of embarrassment that exists, you are feeling it right now
- Relief that, at the very least, this isn’t Theory V. Praxis
AHAHHAHAHAHA. THEORY V PRAXIS????? WHAT IN THE ABSOLUTE SHITFUCK IS THAT?????? NEVER HEARD OF IT. NOTHING ALONG THOSE LINES RINGS ANY METAPHORICAL BELLS IN THIS CRANIUM, NO SIR, NO MAAM, NO MXXM, NO NOTHING. ORANGE COVER? ECLIPSE? SHITTY MIXING? ARE YOU HALLUCINATING? DO I NEED TO TAKE YOU TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM BECAUSE THERE CERTAINLY HAS AND NEVER WILL BE ANYTHING GOING BY THE TITLE OF THEORY V PRAXIS NUDGING ITS DISGUSTING LITTLE WAY INTO THE CONVERSATIONS TAKING PLACE HERE!!!!!!
Fuck that was close. Deep breath. Alright. Let’s get this shit over with.
Negative Contribution is less akin to a colony of hornets infesting and making a home out of your ear canals, and more comparable to a colony of bees infesting and making a home out of your ear canals. It's sweeter, and oddly stickier, but slightly less horrifying than the hornet option. Regardless, I really, truly pity you.
You know you can just go back to your DMs with Jenny and tell her “I’m not listening to this shit” right? Like, that was an option this entire time. What are they gonna do? Cry? Probably. But you act like that’s a bad thing. It’s not. If anything, it’s justice. She deserves it for trying to subject so many people to this abomination, just like the rest of his digusting emotionally manipulative self. You were about to let her get away with this? Maybe your ass should be kicked for refusing to take action to combat the blatant adulteration of dozens of innocent eardrums. Don’t be a bystander. If you see something, say something, shitface.